Sieflex Alumni: English Jokes (Vol 7)

A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road outside Parliament, Delhi.

Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.

The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire Indian politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.

Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".

"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...

The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."

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Six Amazing facts:-

1. 90% of people in Myanmar don't drink milk

2. Snake's vision is up to 5 km.

3. A man can touch sun if his body is completely surrounded by mercury.

4. No twins have been born till now in Switzerland.

5. Zebra doesn't have liver.

6. All these details are false.

Thanks for believing for a while

Today is not April 1, But a fool is a fool on any date.....!!!!..

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One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a grocer comes in for a haircut, and when he tried to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week. The grocer was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'Thank You' card and a bag of fresh vegetables waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week. The politician was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

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What is the difference between Punya and Paap..?

Punya is a debit card :- Work first and enjoy later.

Paap is a credit card :- Enjoy first and compulsorily pay later.

But...

KARMA is a restaurant, where there is no need to place order :- We are served, what we have cooked..!

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1. What is the difference between Einstein and Karunanidhi?

Einstein said that everything is relative

where as Karunanidhi says that relative is everything.

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2. Why is Bangla Desh not sending a contingent to the Olympics?

Because anyone who can run, jump or swim, has already crossed the border of their country.

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3. Why did the UPA Government demonetise 25 paise coins?

They could not manage one Anna, how could they manage four annas?

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4. 100 phones tapped each day per operator.

Finally we have a government that listens to us.

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5. Vote for Baba Ramdev.

He’ll be the PM who can help you make your ends meet. Your head and toe, that is.

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6. Mayawati, Jayalalitha & Mamata should now form an alliance.

Then can call it Behenji-Amma-Didi. Or BAD, for short.

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7. Some days, Digvijay Singh makes no sense.

Other days, he is silent.

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8. I really don’t understand why people consider alcohol to be a problem.

Chemically speaking, it’s a solution.

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9. A documentary on Kingfisher planes

– Saare Zameen Par.

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Wife: Where are you?

Husband : At home love.

Wife: Are you sure?

Husband: Yes.

Wife : Turn on the mixer.

Husband : (turns mixexer on) Rrrreeereeeereeee...

Wife: Ok my love goodbye.

Another day......

Suspicious Wife: Where are you?

Husband : At home love. Wife: Are you sure?

Husband : Yes.

Wife: Turn on the mixer.

Husband: (turns mixer on) Rrreeereeeereeee...

Wife: Ok my love goodbye.

The next day, the wife decides to go home without notice, and finds her son alone and she asks him, "Son, where is your father?"

Son: "I don't know, he went out with the mixer.

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Mukesh Ambani Asks Anil Ambani, "Can I kiss ur wife TINA?

ANIL Says, "40Ps/Min".

TINA Shouts from inside...

"Don't cheat your brother at least!

RELIANCE To RELIANCE is FREE.
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When 2 beggars meet each other and 2 software engineers meet each other after a long time, the question asked is the same .

On which platform are u working these days?

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This happens only in Kerala and some time in TN
103 mallu passengers and only 40 meals loaded on a Dubai to Cochin flight....

The airline has bungled, and the crew are in a fix. However, one smart flight attendant has a good idea. About 30 minutes into the flight she nervously announces ...."I don't know how this happened but we have 103 passengers and only 40 dinners..."

When the passengers muttering had died down she continued. .."Anyone who is kind enough to give up his/her meal so that someone else can eat, will receive free unlimited liquor