Maturity

Maturity is when you stop trying to change people, and instead focus on changing yourself.

Maturity is when you accept people for who they are.

Maturity is when you understand that everyone is right in their own perspective.

Maturity is when you learn to "let go".

Maturity is when you are able to drop "expectations" from a relationship and give for the sake of giving.

Maturity is when you understand that whatever you do, you do for your own peace.

Maturity is when you stop proving to the world how intelligent you are.

Maturity is when you focus on positives in people.

Maturity is when you do not seek approval from others.

Maturity is when you stop comparing yourself with others.

Maturity is when you are at peace with yourself.

Maturity is when you can differentiate between "need" and "want, and you can you can let go of your wants.

Maturity is when you stop attaching "happiness" to material things.

FAITH - Conversation between Professor & Student

Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From … GOD …

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ? (Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ? (Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t. (The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.) Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.

Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. And if so, you’ll probably want your friends / colleagues to enjoy the same, won’t you?  By the way, that student was EINSTEIN

Management Lesson

One Fine Day, A Bus Driver Went To The Bus Garage, Started His Bus, And Drove Off Along The Route. No Problems For The First Few Stops - A Few People Got On, A Few Got Off, And Things Went Generally Well.

At The Next Stop, However, A Big Hulk Of A Guy Got On. Six Feet Eight, Built Like A Wrestler, Arms Hanging Down To The Ground. He Glared At The Driver And Said, "Big John Doesn't Pay!" And Sat Down At The Back.

Did I Mention That The Driver Was Five Feet Three, Thin, And Basically Meek? Well, He Was. Naturally, He Didn't Argue With Big John, But He Wasn't Happy About It. The Next Day The Same Thing Happened - Big John Got On Again, Made A Show Of Refusing To Pay, And Sat Down. And The Next Day, And The Next.

This Grated On The Bus Driver, Who Started Losing Sleep Over The Way Big John Was Taking Advantage Of Him. Finally He Could Stand It No Longer. He Signed Up For Body Building Courses, Karate, Judo, And All That Good Stuff.

By The End Of The Summer, He Had Become Quite Strong; What's More, He Felt Really Good About Himself. So On The Next Monday, When Big John Once Again Got On The Bus And Said, "Big John Doesn't Pay!"

The Driver Stood Up, Glared Back At The Passenger, And Screamed, "And Why Not?"

With A Surprised Look On His Face, Big John Replied, "Big John Has A Bus Pass."

Management Lesson: "Be Sure There Is A Problem In The First Place Before Working Hard To Solve One."

What is Love ?

A student asks a teacher: What is love?

The teacher said: In order to answer your question, go to the paddy field and choose the biggest paddy and come back.

But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick. 

The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big paddy, but he wonders….may be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one… but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.

Later, when he finished more than half of the paddy field, he start to realize that the paddy is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.

The teacher told him, this is love… you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person

The student asked: What is marriage then? 

The teacher said: In order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick.

The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfied, and came back to the teacher.

The teacher told him, this time you bring back a corn…. you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get…. this is marriage

Be courteous to all , but intimate with few , and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence.

You can't beat Indians

An Indian Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in US so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100

A American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic...

Lawyer:  "I have lost my sense of taste"

Indian :  "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth"

Lawyer:  "Ugh..this is kerosene"

Heart Touching Story

"When I was a kid, my Mom cooked food for us.

One night in particular when she had made dinner after a long hard day's work, Mom placed a plate of 'subzi' and extremely burnt roti in front of my Dad.

I was waiting to see if anyone noticed the burnt roti. But Dad just ate his roti and asked me how was my day at school.

I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember I heard Mom apologizing to Dad for the burnt roti.

And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burnt roti."

Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy, good night & I asked him if he really liked his roti burnt. He wrapped me in his arms & said:

"Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she was really tired. And besides... A burnt roti never hurts anyone but HARSH WORDS DO!"

Funny Interview

Officer : What Is Your Name ?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : Tell Me Properly.

Candidate : Muthu Pandi Sir.

Officer : Your Father's Name ?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : What Does That Mean ?

Candidate : Muruga Pandi Sir.

Officer : Your Native Place ?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : Is It Madhya Pradesh ?

Candidate : No, Madurai Pakkam Sir.

Officer : What Is Your Qualification ?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : (Angrily) What Is It ?

Candidate : Metric Pass Sir.

Officer : Why Do You Need A Job ?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : And What Does That Mean ?

Candidate : Money Problem Sir.

Officer : Describe Your Personality ?

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : Explain Yourself Clearly..

Candidate : Mind blowing Personality Sir.

Officer : This Discussion Is Now over, You May Go Now....

Candidate : M P. Sir.

Officer : huh..What Is It Now ??

Candidate : My Performance Sir.

Officer : M P. da

Candidate : What Is That Sir?

Officer : Moodittu Poda

Candidate: M P. Sir.

Officer : Now What Is This ?

Candidate: My Pleasure Sir.

Mother's Heart

16 year old boy asks his Mom:

"Mom, what are you going to get me for my 18th birthday ??

The Mother answers, "Son, that's still a long way"

The boy turns 17 & one day he faints. His mom takes him to the hospital & the doctor said "Madam, your child has a bad heart". Being the child on the stretcher the child aska, "Did he tell you I'm going to die?

Mom starts crying. The boy finally recovers on his 18th birthday. He comes home& on his bed was a letter his mom had left him. The letter said "Son, if you are reading this its because everything went well. Remember the day you asked me what was I giving you on your 18th birthday & didn't know what to answer you??

"I gave you my heart" take care of it and Happy Birthday Son" ?

The mother was dead coz she had to give up her heart to her son. Nothing is bigger than MOM's Heart...?

That's why mom spelled upside down is wow?

How Enlightened Are You?

If you can live without caffeine or nicotine;

If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains;

If you can resist complaining;

If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you any time;

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment;

If you can ignore friends’ limited educations and never correct them;

If you can treat the rich and poor alike;

If you can face the world without lies or deceit;

If you can conquer tension without medical help;

If you can relax without liquor;

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs;

If you can have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, gender, sexual preference, or politics —

 

— then you have almost reached the same level of spiritual development as your dog.

Peace of Mind

Once Buddha was traveling with a few of his followers. While they were passing a lake, Buddha told one of his disciples, "I am thirsty. Do get me some water from the lake."

The disciple walked up to the lake. At that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake.

As a result, the water became very muddy and turbid.

The disciple thought, "How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink?"

So he came back and told Buddha, "The water in there is very muddy. I don't think it is fit to drink."

After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake. The disciple went back, and found that the water was still muddy. He returned and informed Buddha about the same.

After sometime, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back. This time, the disciple found the mud had settled down, and the water was clean and clear. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.

Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said, "See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be, and the mud settled down on its own, and you have clear water."

Your mind is like that too ! When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own.

You don't have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless.

Having 'Peace of Mind' is not a strenuous job, it is an effortless process👌so keep ur mind cool and have a great life ahead...

Never leave your close ones.

If you find few faults in them just close your eyes

And remember the best time you spent together because “Affection is more important than perfection”

Neither you can hug yourself nor you can cry on your own shoulder.

Life is all about living for one another, so live with those who love you the most...

Relations cannot be understood by the Language of Money...

Because, Some Investments Never Give Profit But They Make us rich...!

Family n Friends are such Investments

Tamil Jokes (Vol 1)

மனைவி : எங்கிட்ட உங்களுக்கு புடிச்சது என்ன?
அழகான் முகமா!!! அன்பான மனமா!!! பணிவான குணமா!!
கணவன் : "உன்னோட இந்த காமெடிதான்"
மனைவி : ?????
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காதலி : நாம ரெண்டு பேரும் ஊரை விட்டு ஓடப்போற விஷயம் எங்கப்பாவுக்கு தெரிஞ்ச போச்சு. ..

காதலன் : ஐயையோ. .. என்ன சொன்னாரு ?
காதலி : போறப்ப என் தங்கச்சியையும் கூட்டிட்டுப் போகச் சொன்னாரு.

காதலன் : ????
***********************************

தோழி 1 : என்னடி சொல்ற? உங்க வீட்டுல மிக்சி, கிரைண்டர், குக்கர், வாஷிங் மிஷின் எல்லாம் ஒரே நேரத்துல ரிப்பேரா போச்சா?

தோழி 2 : அட! என் வீட்டுக்காரருக்கு உடம்பு சரியில்லன்னு சொல்ல வந்தேன்.

தோழி 1 : ????
**********************************

கணவன் : என்னடி இது பெட்ஷீட் கனத்துல புடவை எடுத்து இருக்கே

மனைவி : கட்டிக்க போறது நாந்தனே

கணவன் : துவைக்கிறவனுக்குதானே கஷ்டம் தெரியும்
மனைவி : ????
**********************************

 நண்பர் 1 : எள்ளுன்னா எண்ணெயோட வந்து நிப்பானே உங்க பையன், இப்ப என்ன பண்றான் ?

நண்பர் 2 : வீட்டுல கல்யாணப் பேச்சை எடுத்த உடனே கையில் குழந்தையோட வந்து நிக்கிறான்.

நண்பர் 1 : ?????
**********************************

ஆசிரியர் : ஏண்டா.. . மாட்டுக்கு வாய் மட்டும் வரையாம விட்டிருக்கே

மாணவன் : நீங்கதானே சார் சொன்னீங்க அது வாயில்லாப் பிராணினு

ஆசிரியர் : ??????

*********************************

 நண்பர் 1 : நீச்சல் போட்டியில முதல்ல வந்தவர் ஏன் மெடல் வாங்கறதுக்குத் தண்ணியவிட்டு வெளியே வரமாட்டேங்கறhரு ?

நண்பர் 2 : ரெண்டாவதா வந்தவர் வெறுப்புல இவரோட ஸ்விம்மிங் சூட்டை உருவிட்டாராம்

நண்பர் 1 : ??????

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 டாக்டர் : ஒரு மாசமா வர்றீங்களே. . ஏதாவது இம்ப்ரூவ்மெண்ட் தெரியுதா.. .?

பேசன்ட் : பரவாயில்லை டாக்டர் உங்க நர்ஸ் லதா இப்ப கொஞ்சம் முகம் கொடுத்துப் பேசறாங்க..

டாக்டர் : ?????

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 நீதிபதி : போலீஸை ஏன் அரிவாளால் வெட்டுனே ?

குற்றவாளி : சும்மா மாமூலை வெட்டு வெட்டுனு தொந்தரவு குடுத்துட்டு இருந்தாரு மொத்தமா வெட்டிட்டேன்.

நீதிபதி : ?????

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நண்பர் 1 : எதுக்கு அந்த வாஸ்து சாஸ்திர ஜோசியரைப் போய் அடிக்கப் போனீங்க. ..?

நண்பர் 2 : பின்னே. .. இடதுபக்கம் இருக்கிற இதயத்தை எடுத்து வலதுபக்கம் வெச்சுட்டா நல்ல பணம் வரும்-னு சொல்றாரு.

நண்பர் 1 : ?????

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குப்பை வண்டி விதி (The Law of the Garbage Truck)

ஒரு கம்பெனியின் அதிகாரி ஒருவர் அவசரமாக வெளியூர் செல்லவேண்டியிருந்தது. ஆகையால் ரயில் நிலையத்துக்கு உடனே செல்ல வேண்டி டாக்ஸி ஒன்றை பிடித்து உடனே ரயில்வே ஸ்டேஷன் போகுமாறு டிரைவரிடம் சொன்னார்.

இவர்கள் வேகமாக சென்று கொண்டிருக்கும்போது, இவர்களுக்கு முன்னாள் சென்ற கார் ஒன்று திரும்புவதற்கான சிக்னல் எதுவும் கொடுக்காமல் திடீரென்று திரும்பிவிட… ஒரு கணம் நிலை தடுமாறிய டாக்ஸி டிரைவர் உடனே பிரேக்கை அப்ளை செய்து சரியாக முன் சென்ற காரை இடிப்பதற்கு ஒரு இன்ச் முன்னதாக நிறுத்தினார்.

அந்த காரிலிருந்து எட்டிப் பார்த்த அதன் ஓட்டுனர் இவர்களை கன்னாபின்னாவென்று நா கூசும் வார்த்தைகளை பயன்படுத்தி திட்ட ஆரம்பிக்கிறான்.இந்த டாக்சி டிரைவரோ பதிலுக்கு எதுவும் சொல்லாமல் ஜஸ்ட் ஒரு புன்னகையை மட்டும் சிந்திவிட்டு டாட்டா காட்டுவது போல கைகளை காட்டுகிறார்.

அவர் செய்தது ஏதோ நண்பரை பார்த்து செய்வது போல இருந்ததே தவிர தவறாக வண்டி ஒட்டிய ஒரு டிரைவரிடம் செய்வது போல இல்லை.“ஏன் அவனை சும்மா விட்டீங்க? நாலு வாங்கு வாங்கியிருக்கலாம் இல்ல… அவன் மேல தப்பு வெச்சிகிட்டு நம்ம மேல எகிர்றான்..?” என்று அதிகாரி டாக்சி டிரைவரிடம் கேட்கிறார்.

அதற்கு டாக்சி டிரைவர் சொன்னது தான் ‘குப்பை வண்டி விதி’ எனப்படுவது. ஆங்கிலத்தில் ‘The Law of the Garbage Truck’ என்பார்கள்.“இப்படிப்பட்ட மனிதர்களுக்கு ‘குப்பை வண்டி’ என்று பெயர் ஸார், பல மனிதர்கள் இப்படித்தான் குப்பை வண்டிகள் போல இருக்கிறார்கள்.

மனம் நிறைய குப்பைகளையும் அழுக்குகளையும், வைத்திருப்பார்கள். விரக்தி, ஏமாற்றம், கோபம் அவர்களிடம் நிறைந்திருக்குக்ம். அது போன்ற குப்பைகள் சேரச் சேர அதை இறக்கி வைக்க அவர்களுக்கு ஓரிடம் தேவை. சில நேரங்களில் அதை நம்மிடம் அவர்கள் இறக்கி வைப்பார்கள். அதை நாம் பர்சனலாக எடுத்துக்கொள்ளக்கூடாது. ஜஸ்ட் அவர்களை பார்த்து ஒரு புன்னகை சிந்தி, கைகளை ஆட்டிவிட்டு நாம் போய்கொண்டே இருக்க வேண்டும்”

அவர்கள் நம் மீது கொட்டும் குப்பைகளை நாம் சுமந்து கொண்டு போய் நம் பணிபுரியும் இடத்திலோ அல்லது வீட்டிலோ தெருவில் மற்றவர்களிடமோ நாம் கொட்டக்கூடாது சார். நம்ம பேர் தான் நாறிப்போகும்…!!” என்று சொல்ல, அதிகாரி அதில் உள்ள நுணக்கத்தை அறிந்து வியந்துவிட்டார்.

வாழ்க்கையில் வெற்றி பெற்ற சாதனையாளர்கள் எவரும் இந்த குப்பைவண்டிகள் தங்கள் அன்றைய நாளை ஆக்கிரமித்துக்கொள்ள அனுமதிக்கவே மாட்டார்கள். அலுவலகத்திலோ அல்லது வீட்டிலோ, வெளியிலோ காரணமின்றி உங்கள் மீது யாரேனும் எரிந்து விழுந்தாலோ அல்லது வன்சொற்கள் வீசினாலோ பதிலுக்கு நீங்களும் வார்த்தை யுத்தத்தில் இறங்காது ஜஸ்ட் ஒரு புன்னைகையை மட்டும் பதிலாக தந்துவிட்டு அந்த இடத்தை விட்டு அகன்றுவிடுங்கள்.

நம்மை சரியாக நடத்துகிறவர்களை நேசிப்போம். அப்படி நடத்தாதவர்களை புறக்கணிப்போம். வாழ்க்கை என்பது 10% நாம் எப்படி உருவாக்குகிறோம் என்பதை பொருத்தது. 90% நாம் எப்படி எடுத்துக்கொள்கிறோம் என்பதையே பொருத்தது

Do Not Disturb - God

A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.

However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good-natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was cheating on him and his kids wouldn't give him the time of the day.

So one day, deep in prayer as usual, he raised his eyes towards heaven and asked: "Oh God, I honor you every day, I ask your advice for every problem and confess to you my every sin. Yet my neighbour, who doesn't even believe in you and certainly never prays, seems blessed with every happiness, while I go poor and suffer many an indignity.

Why is this?" And a great voice was heard from above ...

"BECAUSE HE DOESN'T BOTHER ME ALL THE TIME."

Cocoon Story

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.

The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.

What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!

I asked for Strength.........And God gave me Difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for Wisdom.........And God gave me Problems to solve.

I asked for Prosperity......And God gave me Brain and Brawn to work.

I asked for Courage.........And God gave me Danger to overcome.

I asked for Love.........And God gave me Troubled people to help.

I asked for Favors......And God gave me Opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted ........I received everything I needed!

English Jokes (Vol 2)

School Phone Menu ..... California School.

"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, 

Please listen to all the options before making a selection:

- To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1

- To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2

- To complain about what we do - Press 3

- To swear at staff members - Press 4

- To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5

- If you want us to raise your child - Press 6

- If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7

- To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8

- To complain about bus transportation - Press 9

- To complain about school lunches - Press 0

- If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not all the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!

******************

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.

Doctor: "What happened?

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me senseless.

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just drink some water and hold it in your mouth. hold it in but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep.

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I kept the water in my mouth. Held it in till he sleeps, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps".

******************

Innocence is bliss!

Kid in a English class :- " Me sleep with Dad last night. "

Teacher (correcting) :- No beta,  I slept with Dad last night..

Kid :- U might have come after I slept.

Teacher:- Getout.

******************

In a Nursery School Canteen...

There's a basket of apples with a notice written over it.

"Do not take more than one, God is watching"

On the other counter there's a box of chocolates,

A small child went & wrote on it.

"Take as many as U want, God is busy watching the apples"...

NEVER ACT SMART WITH Today's Generation..!.!

*******************

KID :- Why some of your hair are white dad...?

DAD : – Every time you make me unhappy , one of my hair turns white…

KID :- Now understand why grandpa’s hairs are all white…

Moral :- Don’t be over smart...

**********************

Child : Mummy why Gandhi has no hair on his head...?

Mummy : Because he speak only truth...

Child : Now I understood why ladies have long hair...

***********************

Teacher: How old is your father?

Kid: He is 6 years.

Teacher: What? How is this possible?

Kid: He became father only when I was born.

***********************

Teacher : Can you please tell the name of 2 great Kings who have brought happiness & peace into people's lives ?”

Student : “Smo-king & Drin-king ” !!!

Teacher Resigned !

Teacher: Who was Akbar ?  

Boy: Akbar was Gay. 

Teacher:- What, Are you mad ? Why did you say that? 

‎Boy:- We have heard Laila - Majnu, Romeo-Juliet, But Only Akbar - Birbal !

Teacher died !

‎

Teacher : Pasangala, britannia tiger biscuit cover la green dot irrukumla adhan meaning enna?

Student : tiger online la  irruku.

*********************** 

2 Wives chatting in office :

Wife 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours???

Wife 2 : It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins. How was yours?

Wife 1 : Oh mine was amazing ! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner.  After dinner we walked for an hour.When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale !

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..

Husband 1: How was your evening?

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep. What about you ?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn't have money left for a cab or auto.We walked home which took an hour & when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house !!!!!!

MORAL: PRESENTATION DOES MATTER... NO MATTER WHAT THE REALITY IS !!!

Chanakya writes

"If you want to be

Happy with your husband,

Love him Less &

Understand him more !

If you want to be

Happy with your wife,

Love her More &

NEVER try to Understand her !"

Dedicated to All married couple

*******************************

A beggar to another beggar: I had a grand dinner at Taj yesterday. 

How? The other beggar asked. 

First beggar: Some one gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday. 

I went to Taj and ordered dinner worth Rs 1,000/-, 

And enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I said, I had no money. 

The Taj manager called the policeman, and handed me over to him. 

I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free. 

A wonderful example of financial management indeed 

*********************

Wife: Can you help me in the gardening ?

Husband: What do you think I am... a gardener ?

Wife: Can you fix the door handle ?

Husband: What do you think I am... a Carpenter ?

In the evening, when husband came from work, he saw everything has been fixed.

Husband: Who did all this ?

Wife: Our neighbour. But he gave me 2 options.... Either I should give him a burger or a kiss.

Husband: I am sure you must have given him a burger.

Wife: What do you think I am.......McDonald ?!! 

Speech by Mr. Ratan Tata

At Symbiosis, Pune ..

Don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order. There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.

Don't take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a prepaid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? ... It's OK, Bunk few classes, score low in couple of papers, take leave from work, fall in love, fight a little with ur spouse ... It's ok ... We are people, not programmed devices .. !

"Don't be serious, enjoy Life as it comes"

Get a Life - Fisherman's Story

The businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The businessman complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied only a little while.

The businessman then asked why he didn't stay out longer and  catch more fish? The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The businessman then asked, but what do you do with the rest of your time? The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take a siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos; I have a full and busy life, senor."

The businessman scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and I could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats; eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman, you would sell directly to the processor and eventually open your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually New York City where you would run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But senor, how long will this all take?" To which the businessman replied, "15-20 years." "But what then, senor?" The businessman laughed and said, "That's the best part! When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions." "Millions, senor? Then what?" The businessman said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

The fisherman, still smiling, looked up and said, "Isn't that what I'm doing right now?"

Be Optimistic

* Worries at the start of the day means u r still alive... 

* Clothes that don't fit means u have a good appetite... 

* Tears in ur eyes means there is somebody u care for... 

* The mess to clean after party means u have friends around u... 

* Roof that needs fixing means u have got a house...

* Taxes to pay means u r not unemployed... 

* Msg on ur mobile means there is somebody who remembers u... 

Let's be optimistic in life because everything around u happens for a reason

Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins

AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY ('TRY', BEING THE KEY WORD) TO ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHNS HOPKINS IS FINALLY STARTING TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY ..

Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins:

1. Every person has cancer cells in the body.. These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.

2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person's lifetime.

3. When the person's immune system is strong the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.

4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to genetic,  but also to environmental, food and lifestyle factors.

5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet to eat more adequately and healthy, 4-5 times/day and by including supplements will strengthen the immune system.

6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow, gastrointestinal tract etc., and can cause organ damage, like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.

7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.

8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.

9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.

10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.

11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply.

*CANCER CELLS FEED ON:

a. Sugar substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc. are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or molasses, but only in very small amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in color Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.

b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus.. By cutting off milk and substituting with unsweetened soy milk cancer cells are being starved.

c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is acidic. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.

d.. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C)..

e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine Green tea is a better alternative and has cancer fighting properties. Water-best to drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.

12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines becomes putrefied and leads to more toxic buildup.

13.. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining from meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer cells to destroy the cancer cells.

14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells.. Other supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.

15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor. Anger, unforgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.

16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment. Exercising daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the cellular level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer cells.

Put The Glass Down

Once upon a time a psychology professor walked around on a stage while teaching stress management principles to an auditorium filled with students.  As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the typical “glass half empty or glass half full” question.  Instead, with a smile on her face, the professor asked, “How heavy is this glass of water I’m holding?”

Students shouted out answers ranging from eight ounces to a couple pounds.

She replied, “From my perspective, the absolute weight of this glass doesn’t matter.  It all depends on how long I hold it.  If I hold it for a minute or two, it’s fairly light.  If I hold it for an hour straight, its weight might make my arm ache a little.  If I hold it for a day straight, my arm will likely cramp up and feel completely numb and paralyzed, forcing me to drop the glass to the floor.  In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it feels to me.”

As the class shook their heads in agreement, she continued, “Your stresses and worries in life are very much like this glass of water.  Think about them for a while and nothing happens.  Think about them a bit longer and you begin to ache a little.  Think about them all day long, and you will feel completely numb and paralyzed – incapable of doing anything else until you drop them.”

The moral:  It’s important to remember to let go of your stresses and worries.  No matter what happens during the day, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down.  Don’t carry them through the night and into the next day with you.  If you still feel the weight of yesterday’s stress, it’s a strong sign that it’s time to put the glass down.