English Jokes (Vol 6)

Wife - Let's enjoy our Saturday-Sunday.  

Husband - Good idea. Let's meet on Monday

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On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him...

'Nice perfume.....which one is it?...

I want to gift it to my wife..!!'

Lady

'Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her..!!'
 
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A letter from a teacher to a parent:

Dear Parent,

Kumar doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bathe him.

Parent's answer:

Dear Teacher, Kumar is not a rose, Don't smell him, Teach him......

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Mother to Son:

Who is Tippu Sultan ?

Son : Don't know

Mother : Sometime give attention to study also

Son to Mother : Do you know Chinky Aunty ?

Mother : Don't know

Son: Sometimes give attention to Dad also

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A cute excuse:

Teacher- Y r u late?
Student- Mom dad were fighting.
Teacher- So what makes you late if they were fighting?
Student- one shoe was in mom's hand and one in dad's..
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Girl: What's the price of galaxy grand??

Salesman: Rs.18,000/-

Girl: OMG

Girl: and iPhone?? . .

Salesman: OMG + OMG + OMG

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Wife : I hate that beggar.

Husband : Why ?

Wife : Rascal, yesterday

I gave him food today he gave me a book

How to Cook !!!
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Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop started working.

Wife: did u drink

Husband : no

Wife: Idiot then y u r typing on suitcase

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There Are Two Times When A Man Doesn't Understand A Woman

Before Marriage And After Marriage.

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Wife : I Will Die.

Husband : I Will Also Die.

Wife : Why Will You Die ?

Husband : Because I Can't Bear That Much Happiness..!.

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Marriage Is Like A Public Toilet

Those Waiting Outside Are Desperate To Get In
Those Inside Are Desperate To Come Out.
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Why Were Hurricanes Usually Named After Women?

Because When They Arrive, They're Wet And Wild, But

When They Go, They Take Your House And Car..

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Husband Sends The Following Message To His Wife

My Love,

If You're Sleeping, Send Me Your Dreams.

If You're Smiling, Send Me Your Smile.

If You're Crying, Send Me Your Tears.

I Love You.

Wife Texted Back :

I'm In The Toilet,

What Should I Send You?

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Husband Searching Keywords On Google `How To Tackle Wife?`

Google Search Result, `Good Day Sir, Even We Are Searching`.

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Husband Throwing Darts At His Wife’s Photo And Not Even A Single One Hitting The Target..

From Another Room Wife Called The Husband : “Honey What Are You Doing..

Husband: “MISSING YOU”..

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A simple guide by The Lonely Planet.

Scenario 1 : Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's MUMBAI..

Scenario 2 : Two guys are fighting & a third guy comes along and tries to make peace.. The first two get together and beat him up..

That's DELHI.

Scenario 3 : Two guys fighting and third guy comes from a nearby house and says "don't fight in front of my place, go somewhere else."

That's BANGALORE..

Scenario 4 : Two guys fighting third guy comes along with a carton of beer.. All sit together drink beer and abuse each other and go home as friends..

You are definitely in GOA..

Scenario 5 : Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out & call their friends on their mobiles..Now 50 guys are fighting..

You are in PUNJAB.

Scenario 6 : Two guys fighting. Third guy comes and shoots both of them.

You are in BIHAR..

Scenario 7 : Two guys fighting. First guy started beating the second guy, the Third guy comes and joins with first guy and beats second guy without knowing anything..
You are right it's TAMILNADU

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Appraisal interview of Chris Gayle:

Gayle:- Sir, I scored 211 Runs in 118 Balls. I made the team win the crucial match. I should get “A” rating.

Manager:- You hit 17 Sixes and 23 Fours. Though, that is good but that is not something new you have done. That is why we hired you. As this is not something new, I will mark it as “Innovation Lacking”.

Gayle:- But sir, I played according to the situation. I took 21 singles as well.

Manager:- Exactly, your performance is not consistent. You played 15 Dot Balls as well. This means, you failed to optimize the resources.

Gayle:- But…

Manager:- Also, I would like to mention that you are not a team player. The whole team scored 112 and you all alone made 211.

Gayle:- What??

Manager:- Yes. So, overall, you are getting a “C” rating for the year. Improve Consistency, Innovation, Utilization and Team Work.

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God : What do you want.?

Boy : A very beautiful girl.

God : If you are muslim, I'll give you "Katrina".

If you are hindu, I'll give you "Kareena".

If you are sikh, I'll give you "Anushka" and

If you are christian, I'll give you "Genelia".

What's your name.?

Boy : Abdul Vijay Singh Fernandes.

God to his angel: Rascal is acting smart give him "Mayawati"