English Jokes (Vol 9)

Difficult To Understand Girls

Few days back when she called me I was having food

She got angry that i didnt ask her to join me..

Today when she called i was..

Taking bath & i asked her to join,

she was angry again..!!

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A very emotional message…

Attachment is not when two people chat day & night..

Attachment is not when two people cant live without each other..

Attachment is not when two people can’t stay away from each other for a moment..

But when someone emails you and attach a file.. that file is called attachment ..!!! 

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It is said that if you close your eyes, you see the woman you love the most.

When naughty ones like us do that,

Slide Show begins.

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A man came home drunk, late at night after a party.

His wife yelled: "How would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"

The man couldn't believe his luck, said: 'That would be great'!

Monday passed and he didn't see her......

Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....

On Thursday his swelling became better

And now he could see her from the Corner of one eye

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Why are American names like

Jackson

Wilson

Markson

Robinson

Kenson

Anderson

Davison

Jenson.......So that Mom can remember who is whose son

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One day Raja and Rani decided to send messages to each other by using Pigeon instead of mobile phone

The very next day pigeon reached raja without any message.

He called the Rani......and got angry with her

She told stupid "This was a missed call"

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A professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it.

The rat was in the middle of the cage.

Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on side and kept a female rat on the other side.

The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it.

Then, the professor changed the cake and kept some bread.

The male rat ran towards the bread.

This experiment went... on with the professor changing the food every time.

And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat.

Professor said: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction.

 Suddenly, one of the students from the back rows said:-

"Sir, why don't you change the female rat....?

That rat may be its wife!!"

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A Chinese man married an African woman and had a child. Two months later the child passed away.

At the funeral house, the African woman kept crying and saying, "I KNEW IT !!! I KNEW IT !!!"

A family member pulled her aside and asked, "What did you know?"

She replied, "That, Chinese products don't last long!!!"

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In the morning, wife asked for newspaper ..

Husband - How backward you are... The world has progressed so much and you are asking for newspaper? Here, have my iPad ....

Wife killed the cockroach with the iPad....

Husband unconscious ...

Moral of the Story:

Whatever wife asks..., GIVE!!!

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Two soldiers were having a chat during their free time.

1st Soldier: Why did you join the army?

2nd Soldier: I didn't have a wife and I loved war. So I joined. How about you? Why did you join the army?

1st Soldier: I joined because I had a wife and I loved peace!

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Don't spoil your weekends down with viruses...

Medical Alert about a Highly Dangerous Virus Called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK).

If you come in contact with this WORK VIRUS you should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR).... Center to take antidotes known as

"Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE)

Radioactive Unwinding Medicine (RUM)

Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)

* Issued in Public Interest *

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An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth.

He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said: "May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in this college."

A young man opened the door and let him in. The old man examined the room, fondly remembering everything.

He said, "The same old room, the same old wooden table, the ventilator and the same old window that opens to the garden. And the same old bed."

When examining it he found a young girl under the bed.

The young man got alarmed and said, "Don't mistake me. She is my cousin. She dropped her earring and is searching for it." The old man said, "and the same old story!!"

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3 fastest means of communications

1) tele phone

2) tele vision

3) tell a woman

Still need faster communication : Tell her NOT to tell anyone

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You are alone in a boat in the middle of a sea and you have two cigars..but no lighter..how are you going to smoke a cigar??

Throw one of the Cigars in the water..so the boat will become LIGHTER..

Now use the LIGHTER !!!

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An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.

"What'll you have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know.

The same as you I suppose," she replied.

So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot.

His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out.

"Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff !"

"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

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A Spiritual Thought..

Good day is not created by God.....

Nor it is designed by our parents......

Not even prepared by us.......

Nature too does not give us a good day.........

Is it our friends .....?  or our Family....?  Or is it ourself....?

No...........................................

Good Day is

manufactured only by Britannia biscuit company.

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Men are very Kind & Women are very Selfish!

"PROOF"

Most women don't like to help unknown men;

But all men are ready anytime to help unknown women.

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A question asked in a talent test:

If you are married to one of the twin sisters, how would you recognize your wife?

The best answer

- Why should I recognise?

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The man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?"

"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere."

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Employee 1:  Namma MD Kangaroo mathiri.

Employee 2: "Yeppadi?"

Employee 1: "Yeppavum Oru Kuttiyodathaan iruppaar?"

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Age no bar

Color no bar

Height no bar

Caste no bar

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