English Jokes (Vol 3)

Economics is not that difficult if we have the right examples.

Interviewer: What is Recession?

Candidate: When "Wine & Women" get replaced by "Water & Wife", that critical phase of life is called Recession!!

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Accountancy fact:

What is the difference between Liability & Asset?

A drunk friend is liability

But

A drunk Girlfriend is an Asset.

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Law of equality

The time taken by a wife when she says I'll get ready in 5 min is exactly equal to the time taken by husband when he says 'I'll call u in 5 minutes.

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I argued... She argued...

I shouted... She shouted and then she cried

Result: she won by duckworth lewis method

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Chess is the only game in the world, which reflects the status of the husband.

The poor king can take only one step at a time ...

While the mighty queen can do whatever she likes.

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All Men are Brave,

Horror Movies don't Scare them....

But 5 Missed Calls from Wife ..surely does

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One Smart Guy Invented "WhatsApp"

His Wife Added a feature in it called 'Last Seen At'

Thank god she didn't add 'last seen with'

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Once A Man Asked God: "Why All Girls Are So Cute & Sweet, And All Wives Are Always Angry

God Answered: Girls Are Made By Me ... And you make them Wife...!!!

Your Problem...

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What's Marriage?

Answer- MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense Of Humans That Destroys All The Six Senses

And Makes The Person NON Sense..!

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Definition Of Happy Couple -

HE Does What SHE Wants…

SHE Does What SHE Wants.

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Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command.

Husband: Exactly darling!  its a computer, not a Husband..!!

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'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life' -Shakespeare

"Laughing At your Wife's Mistakes can Shorten your Life." -Shakespear's Wife

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Husband was sipping his whisky, while sitting on the balcony with wife and he says,

"I love you so much,

I don't know how I could ever live without you."

Wife asks, "Is that you, or the whisky talking?"

Husband replies, "It's me..... talking to whisky

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Who started the Concept of '5-days a Week and 2-days Off'...?

Infosys...?

No!

TCS...?

No!

Wipro...?

No!

Microsoft...?

No!

ICICI...?

No!

HDFC...?

No!

Then who?

Draupadi...!!!

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After completing B.E...a Student took his Girlfriend to his Home.

Father: Who is She?

Son replied...

"Campus Selection"

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2 Wives chatting in office :

 

Wife 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours ?

 

Wife 2 : It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins. How was yours?

 

Wife 1 : Oh mine was amazing ! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale !

 

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work..

 

Husband 1: How was your evening?

 

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep. What about you ?

 

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn't have money left for a cab or auto. We walked home which took an hour & when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house !

 

MORAL: PRESENTATION DOES MATTER... NO MATTER WHAT THE REALITY IS !!!

 

Chanakya writes

"If you want to be

Happy with your husband,

Love him Less &

Understand him more !

If you want to be

Happy with your wife,

Love her More &

NEVER try to Understand her...

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In a Nursery School Canteen...

There's a basket of apples with a notice written over it :

"Do not take more than one, God is watching"

On the other counter there's a box of chocolates,

A small child went & wrote on it.

"Take as many as U want, God is busy watching the apples"...

NEVER ACT SMART WITH Today's Generation..!.!

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KID :- Why some of your hair are white dad...?

DAD : – Every time you make me unhappy , one of my hair turns white…

KID :- Now understand why grandpa’s hairs are all white…

Moral :- Don’t be over smart...

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Child : Mummy why Gandhi has no hair on his head...?

Mummy : Because he speak only truth...

Child : Now I understood why ladies have long hair...

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Teacher: How old is your father?

Kid: He is 6 years.

Teacher: What? How is this possible?

Kid: He became father only when I was born.