Zackir : We do exactly what is preached. . . . "Forgive & Forget". Yet, when we see the person who hurt us or hear of him/her, the old anger & hatred returns afresh. Why ?
Suresh : I think we wear an act to forgive/forget, while deep rooting the grudge (unconsciously) with a picture of the situation or the person into our sub conscious. Unless we deliberately erase ... we will fall trap. One thing (to a degree) helped me is through the blesses and we'll wishes towards that person in a positive way. Law of nature is ... What one Give is What is Received. This may sound too simple, but a fact that require patience. So, believe in it with patience. My 2¢.
Zackir: Suresh, I couldn’t agree more with you on natural law and justice – ‘What one give is what is received’. We forgive to free ourselves of pain and take back power despite knowing that it does not minimize, justify, or excuse the wrong that was done. So forgiving doesn’t necessarily lead to forgetting. One way to get around the bitterness is to leave it inactive and untouched, as Mani San suggested, but that is acceptable only if we choose to disconnect the offender for the rest of our life.
One person can forgive; it takes two to reconcile. Forgiveness is an interior discipline; reconciliation is an outward process.
Sharath : Forgive but do NOT Forget, or you will be Hurt Again. Forgiveness changes the perspectives, Forgetting loses the lesson. I'VE LEARNED THAT PEOPLE WILL FORGET WHAT YOU SAID, PEOPLE WILL FORGET WHAT YOU DID, BUT PEOPLE WILL NEVER FORGET...HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL......
Successful people have different answers. The sun is rising. The glass is half full. Losing is a new beginning, not an ending. Its easy to say. "FORGIVE AND FORGET" its very hard to achieve that. The PAST cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased; it can only be ACCEPTED.
Zackir : Good point, Sharath. One reason why, some of us choose to forgive but not to reconcile, perhaps because we have no reason to believe that a relationship with the other person is healthy for us. We don't hesitate to stay away from people who ignore or hurt our feelings
Sekar : I would like to forgive, but it not in our hand to forget. As MJ said we need to erase forcefully, still it is ones will if he could do that. Other than the personal story, there is one more story. I could not forget one Mr. S******r even now. Four of our friends may also remember that gentle man. I have forgiven him and no ill feelings. Now I don't know where/how is he. I never cursed him for his bad doings. Still I couldn't forget.
Ekambaram CN : It is near to impossible to forget the incident. If you attain a condition wherein you don't react to it even when you recollect it, it is as good as forgetting.
Murali : Nice to read all perspectives on forgive and forget. Another perspective :
Zackir : A seemly summary, Murali. Your last point reminds me of a joke but a thought provoking one....why we can't take credit for whatever we do.
Suresh : I think we wear an act to forgive/forget, while deep rooting the grudge (unconsciously) with a picture of the situation or the person into our sub conscious. Unless we deliberately erase ... we will fall trap. One thing (to a degree) helped me is through the blesses and we'll wishes towards that person in a positive way. Law of nature is ... What one Give is What is Received. This may sound too simple, but a fact that require patience. So, believe in it with patience. My 2¢.
Mani : I feel forgiving may be possible . With our ability of human brain, unfortunately, one can not forget a person or an incident. It will be still kept in our memory cabinet .All that can be done we don't take our that file and analyse . It shd be just in "inactive" "untouchable" file.
Velmurugan : Dear friends, My opinion about forgive and forget. As a human we can only forget the bad happenings and we don't have any right to forgive or punish anybody. Its all god's work. We are not to that level. We are only tools of all actions...
Zackir: Suresh, I couldn’t agree more with you on natural law and justice – ‘What one give is what is received’. We forgive to free ourselves of pain and take back power despite knowing that it does not minimize, justify, or excuse the wrong that was done. So forgiving doesn’t necessarily lead to forgetting. One way to get around the bitterness is to leave it inactive and untouched, as Mani San suggested, but that is acceptable only if we choose to disconnect the offender for the rest of our life.
When we see the person who hurt us or hear of him/her, the old anger & hatred returns afresh because ‘Forgive-Forget’ is an incomplete process as it is dependent only on the person who has been hurt.
Forgiver is not under siege; the person who caused hurt is. What is needed to complete the process of restoring a damaged relationship is “RECONCILIATION”. Needless to say, onus is on the person who caused hurt. Reconciliation is possible only when the offending person admits what he/she has done and asks for forgiveness of the one they have hurt. Dealing with ego is another topic.
One person can forgive; it takes two to reconcile. Forgiveness is an interior discipline; reconciliation is an outward process.
Though hard it may seem…..spiritually speaking…..While reconciliation is about restoring a relationship with another person, Forgiveness is about restoring connection with the ‘SELF’.
So be it. Let's forget about 'forgetting'
Sharath : Forgive but do NOT Forget, or you will be Hurt Again. Forgiveness changes the perspectives, Forgetting loses the lesson. I'VE LEARNED THAT PEOPLE WILL FORGET WHAT YOU SAID, PEOPLE WILL FORGET WHAT YOU DID, BUT PEOPLE WILL NEVER FORGET...HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL......
Successful people have different answers. The sun is rising. The glass is half full. Losing is a new beginning, not an ending. Its easy to say. "FORGIVE AND FORGET" its very hard to achieve that. The PAST cannot be changed, forgotten, edited or erased; it can only be ACCEPTED.
Zackir : Good point, Sharath. One reason why, some of us choose to forgive but not to reconcile, perhaps because we have no reason to believe that a relationship with the other person is healthy for us. We don't hesitate to stay away from people who ignore or hurt our feelings
Sekar : I would like to forgive, but it not in our hand to forget. As MJ said we need to erase forcefully, still it is ones will if he could do that. Other than the personal story, there is one more story. I could not forget one Mr. S******r even now. Four of our friends may also remember that gentle man. I have forgiven him and no ill feelings. Now I don't know where/how is he. I never cursed him for his bad doings. Still I couldn't forget.
Ekambaram CN : It is near to impossible to forget the incident. If you attain a condition wherein you don't react to it even when you recollect it, it is as good as forgetting.
Murali : Nice to read all perspectives on forgive and forget. Another perspective :
How forgiving would be complete without forgetting ? It's true, given a choice our mind has the capacity to go back, when we see or hear of the person, and bring back the earlier experiences of hurt, anger and hatred.
Looking at it differently, it is only a diagnostic opportunity presented to check for ourselves whether in fact we have got rid of these not so positive emotions completely, as otherwise the sufferer is going to be only us.
Heard in one of the lecturers, "It is not the world outside that disturbs you. It is how you choose to react to a particular situation that the world presents to you, determines your suffering or otherwise. "
Looking at positively, we should be thankful to that person, without whom we would not have had the opportunity to forgive and forget and bring out the divine qualities hidden within us.
Azhwars in their Pasurams, go one step further
"Kundranaya Kuttram Seiyinum Gunabamagakk Kollum"
Another one
"Seidha Kutram Natramagave Kol Gnala Nathane !"
While praising the attributes of the Lord and also at the same time, suggesting that whatever we do (thinking of them as very noble and praiseworthy ourselves) are in no way eligible for his grace.
Many thanks Zackir on kindling our thoughts on this.
Zackir : A seemly summary, Murali. Your last point reminds me of a joke but a thought provoking one....why we can't take credit for whatever we do.
How many points to get into Heaven?
A man dies and goes to heaven.
St. Peter meets him at the Pearly Gates and says, "Here's how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you've done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in."
"Okay," the man says, "I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, and
loved her deep in my heart."
"That's wonderful," says St.Peter, "that's worth two points!"
"Only two points?" the man says. "Well, I attended church all my life and supported its ministry with my tithes and service."
"Terrific!" says St.Peter. "That's certainly worth a point."
"One point!?!! I started a soup kitchen in my city and also worked in a shelter for homeless veterans."
"Fantastic, that's good for two more points," St.Peter says.
"Two points!?!!" Exasperated, the man cries, "At this rate, the only way I'll get into heaven is by the grace of God."
'Bingo! Now you can come in!' St Peter lets the man inside heaven
No comments:
Post a Comment